i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
