Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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