Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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