A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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