one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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