How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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