I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
