i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
even my farts smell like vagina
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
