I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
