drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
