I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
