check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Is it because I queefed?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
