Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
