three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
