that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
