nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize