Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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