We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
