I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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