In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
