have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
