Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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