Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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