So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
