i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
