how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
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he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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