then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
