They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
