Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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