Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
