I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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