Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
