On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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