Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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