My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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