I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
