Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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