Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
