btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Shame is for Republicans.
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