you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
