the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
