You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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