I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
