Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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