this beer tastes like vomit already
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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