see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
