Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
