moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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