you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
These tits shall not be calmed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
