Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
