I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So much rum. So many feels.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
