True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
