I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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