Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
