please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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