great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
