My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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