So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
