Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
