i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
