her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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