Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
