i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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