You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
