so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
