too bad you live with your parents still
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
