I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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