I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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