At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
