you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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