Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
FUCK WHALES
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
